The Used

Tonight my best friend is taking me out for a surprise, I have no idea what it is but she told me to dress really warm. Tomorrow I’m spending the whole day with another friend adventuring downtown. On Sunday, I am going to an all day college bible study. Sometimes, I feel it is as if I’m using people to distract myself from my own demise. The people I spend the most time with are obviously people I adore or else I wouldn’t spend so much time with them. But then, why is it I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just pursuing the time for my own benefit of not eating or not thinking about food? I hate that this controls my mind to this degree. I want to strive to really change. I want to be better, I want a better me. A meaningful me. A me who doesn’t hide from the fact that I need help. A me who can face God standing tall because I know what I am and what needs to be done in my heart. And maybe one day, this me will be revealed and until then, I’m still happy for where I am. A bit misguided and confused, I’m exactly where I should be.

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2 comments

  1. wisewoodpidgeon · October 17, 2015

    Awesome! And I’m sure you are where you are supposed to be. Sometimes I think it’s good for us to distract ourselves with other activities because your subconscious mind will continue processing your stuff anyway, while you are focusing on something else. Also good to spend time with others and think about someone else’s issues and what’s happening in their lives. I hope the next few days are awesome and that you find joy in your interactions with your friends 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. myquietroar · October 19, 2015

    I know that feeling of wanting to be so scheduled and busy that food decisions fade into the background, but it’s very easy to be so busy that you don’t check in with yourself about how you’re really feeling. I hope you have a lovely time with your friends but mix up a bit of self-care in there too if you can!

    Liked by 1 person

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