Tonight my best friend is taking me out for a surprise, I have no idea what it is but she told me to dress really warm. Tomorrow I’m spending the whole day with another friend adventuring downtown. On Sunday, I am going to an all day college bible study. Sometimes, I feel it is as if I’m using people to distract myself from my own demise. The people I spend the most time with are obviously people I adore or else I wouldn’t spend so much time with them. But then, why is it I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just pursuing the time for my own benefit of not eating or not thinking about food? I hate that this controls my mind to this degree. I want to strive to really change. I want to be better, I want a better me. A meaningful me. A me who doesn’t hide from the fact that I need help. A me who can face God standing tall because I know what I am and what needs to be done in my heart. And maybe one day, this me will be revealed and until then, I’m still happy for where I am. A bit misguided and confused, I’m exactly where I should be.