When you’re nothing

Today I had to face the awful truth I had only thought was made up in my mind. Today, my mother told me I am not enough. Today, my mother cried as she compared me to other daughters, my friends, to let me know I am not all I should be,  Something you must know is that she doesn’t know what I am. She is oblivious to the nights I spent purging in the shower at 1 am, the refusing to eat dinner, the lying, the stories, the protection I have tried to make for myself. I am crippled by an unknown fear of the words that would escape her mouth if she were let in on my past, my present, myself. I am sitting here at my computer to vent to absolutely no one and my hands are shaking, and God, I might just break at any moment. What do you do when you hear something like this? My mind cannot comprhend what has just been told to me.  So, here I am. I am not sure how I feel. Empty, lost….no idea what to do. If anyone is out there, just please know that you are worth so much more than anything anyone ever tries to put on you. You are worth more than the downgrade people hand you, you are more. You are so so much more.

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4 comments

  1. wisewoodpidgeon · October 5, 2015

    And just maybe you need to hear that too. That regardless of what your mother says “You are beautiful. You are unique. You are special. There is no-one else just like you.” You have treasure to offer. You have a way with words. You are not just your past and your present but tomorrow is a new chance, a new day; a new opportunity. Tomorrow and tomorrow and the next tomorrow. But today there is just today and that’s enough. Just get through today. Whatever her reasons and her limitations and her boundaries – those limitations and boundaries and walls are HERS – not yours. Please embrace you. I know it probably doesn’t help to say I’ve been where you are now. But I do know what it is to feel lost and empty, to know despair and aloneness. And life will not always be like it is today. That saying from ‘My best Friend’s Wedding’ that “this, too, shall pass” – there will be other days that are NOT like today. And just knowing there’s a tomorrow and it has promise. And if all you can manage today is just making it through today – then that’s enough. You ARE enough. You ARE so so much more.

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  2. The Mount · October 5, 2015

    I feel so sorry for you in your despair. I hope writing it down makes it easier. My prayers are with you in your troubles – there will always be a silver lining. keep going and prove them wrong. Everyone is worth something – God has a journey mapped out for us all. Please check out my blog for (hopefully) some inspiration on having faith, particularly the poem ‘Innumerable as sand’ I wrote about staying strong and trusting in God:
    thebloggeronthemount.wordpress.com
    God bless x

    Liked by 1 person

    • warpedintentions · October 6, 2015

      Thank you so much for this. I’m following your blog and I have recently given my life to the Lord. I may be struggling with this but His hand will see me through. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Mount · October 6, 2015

        Thanks for following, just followed you too – good luck, He will always be with you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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