An unexpected laugh

Today was one of those funny days, where everything seemed okay. I felt like a human in a world where I belonged and things were normal for a moment. Underneath the feeling of happiness, my darkness of a secret still lingers. But attitude and a little prayer had gone a long way. Today was simply a good day. Nothing special happened. I still fought with food, I fought with myself. But I couldn’t help but smile. Tonight I went to church, the one place where I feel like everything will be okay. Afterwards I talked with a friend. We were trying to go home but her presence is a light. I laughed, I felt good, and I really realized how blessed I am. Life is a mess, heck my life is a disaster. A beautiful one at that. And not because everything is getting better, not because my days are perfect. But because I have all I need, even if I battle with myself. I have a God who’s love is pouring into my soul, who knows how hard I’m fighting, though I just can’t seem to win. I have met magnificent people who make me forget what I am going through, for the slightest of moments. I am struggling, but I am happy. And it doesn’t make sense to be both, but life never made sense anyway.

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